It's all me, me, me...

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Vivre Sa Vie
London, United Kingdom
Well hello there. My name is Viv (well, it's not really), and, like a lot of people, I'm ever so slightly neurotic... I have panic attacks and anxiety (ranging from mild to pretty intense), on and off. I also have an amazing and quite high-profile job, so I'm choosing to remain anonymous on here. Not because I'm ashamed of the aforementioned neuroses, but because I don't want to be googled and for my colleagues to read bizarre posts about me breathing into a paper bag and popping lorazepam. I've worked for bookshops, mixed arts festivals and charities, and have met (and still meet!) a lot of famous, fetching and fantabulous people for my job. (See, anxiety doesn't need to stop you being AWESOME and doing what you want to do) Here's hoping you'll find some helpful hints and tips on here which will help you tackle the evil panic heebiejeebs... PS. I'm an Australian, but I live in the UK, and have adopted tea-drinking, pubs, Wodehouse, and a Welsh man.
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Monday, 7 May 2012

Anxiety bites...

'I vant to sark your adrenalin-filled blood...'

Hi guys. Hope all is good in your worlds. Sorry about the tardiness of this post - I've had a hectic week at work, and a jam-packed bank holiday weekend in London.

And I'm stressed! Might be the long week, might be the London mania, might be a million other things, but I have that nasty lump in my throat and and I feel overwhelmed. And as soon as that happens I start freaking out that I'm about to panic, or relapse, or get depressed, which makes things a hundred times worse. This is such a boringly predictable condition, and yet EVERY SINGLE TIME I fail to identify common patterns, and freak out anew about what's happening. It's like Groundhog Day, but less interesting (if that's possible).

In keeping with my recent regression to escapist teenagerdom, I've been watching the Twilight films (not quite obsessively, but approaching that sort of adolescent fervour). And oh my God, I'm not sure if that was a good idea - mental health-wise. I've been yearning NOT to be a successful 27 year-old London career woman, but a sulky 18 year old virgin who is fought over by a bad CGI teen-wolf and a waxy, glittery vampire, so my goals and dreams are obviously just a little off mark at the moment. I was literally watching cast interviews on Oprah on YouTube when I should have been doing work for a CHARITY- how shameful is that?!

I don't even have any brilliant advice. Just sharing my anxiety and general life-dissatisfaction with you because I'm GENEROUS like that. And in the vain hope that either you are not sunk as deep in regressive-anxious-Twilight-fever as me (in which case this will make you feel better about yourself), or you are, and this makes you feel you have an anxious twin (in which case you will feel less lonely, and thus better about yourself.) 

Eighties teenage wolf ...

 Noughties teenage wolf. My poor, deprived generation could never have even dreamed of this sort of lupine hotness. Kids these days don't even know they're born.


Lucy said...

Love your blog! Very comforting and recognizable yet without the self-sorrow that makes up most other anxiety blogs.

I myself was pretty convinced that I had totally conquered my panic attacks and was completely down with my neurotic self until yesterday I found myself having a whopping panic attack right in front of my boss (not to make matters worse, but you know how psychologists sometimes say that others probably don't even notice when you're cramping up with year. Yeah, well, my boss sure noticed).

To end things in a positive note. After a day of listening obsessively to Bakerman by Laid Back (very soothing indeed) I have once again found the solution: running. I hate it too, but I actually relaxed for the first time in - well - weeks. This week's resolution: run every time I'm stressed out. Let's see how long this will hold.

Will keep reading so thanks!

Vivre Sa Vie said...

Hi Lucy - welcome! Thanks so much for reading, and for your lovely comments.

Poor you having a doozie in front of the boss - try not to worry - it is so much worse on the inside, and if your boss is a decent person he/she will be understanding and compassionate. Let me know how things go!

And hats off for persevering with the running. I have a very busy job and never seem to make time, but then I see David Cameron out jogging and think - if the Prime Minister has time, then surely I do too...

So maybe I will take a leaf from your book and drag my anxious bum out on the streets!

Take care


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