It's all me, me, me...

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Vivre Sa Vie
London, United Kingdom
Well hello there. My name is Viv (well, it's not really), and, like a lot of people, I'm ever so slightly neurotic... I have panic attacks and anxiety (ranging from mild to pretty intense), on and off. I also have an amazing and quite high-profile job, so I'm choosing to remain anonymous on here. Not because I'm ashamed of the aforementioned neuroses, but because I don't want to be googled and for my colleagues to read bizarre posts about me breathing into a paper bag and popping lorazepam. I've worked for bookshops, mixed arts festivals and charities, and have met (and still meet!) a lot of famous, fetching and fantabulous people for my job. (See, anxiety doesn't need to stop you being AWESOME and doing what you want to do) Here's hoping you'll find some helpful hints and tips on here which will help you tackle the evil panic heebiejeebs... PS. I'm an Australian, but I live in the UK, and have adopted tea-drinking, pubs, Wodehouse, and a Welsh man.
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Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Prozac nation (is not my favourite nation)...

'YES! Yes I am!'
Greetings from a small, Viv-shaped Prozac nation!

My six months without antidepressants have been fairly hellish, so I finally surrendered and went to see my almost-hot psychiatrist who recommended a trial of Prozac. Cue much grinding of teeth and general nervousness. 'Me? On Prozac? Sounds so 'Girl Interrupted'! Why can't my brain do it itself goddamnit?! Why can't I just RELAXXX??!!' etc etc. Although pills aren't for everyone, there's no doubt that medication has provided a lifeline for millions of people around the world (myself included), and sometimes you've got to come to terms with needing a little help. See this article for a really clear-headed and inspiring take on an often maligned and misjudged thing.

I've been taking them for a week now, and...guess what?! They've made everything much, much worse! You've got to laugh - it is quite funny. Apparently they can do that (i.e. make you feel like you want to jump out of your skin for the first couple of weeks) before they make you better. If they make you better. 

I'm so bloody anxious, I could gnaw off my arm. I've been teetering on panic a number of times a day, and just feel jittery and speedy. I had two days of really bad nausea, which has now improved to simply not fancying eating anything apart from beige food. With cheese on top.

I'm persevering, because apparently I could exit the tunnel into bright daylight any day now. Please hurry up that day!

I have to remember that:

1. This will pass.
2. Sometimes the darkest night is just before the dawn.
3. Whatever happens, I can and will cope.
4. This will pass (again).

It's been a long old time in the tunnel, and I really just want to feel a bit better soon.

Whilst I'm waiting, I am consuming approximate 1kg of Rich Tea biscuits daily, laughing at the brilliant Twenty-Twelve spoof documentary, having loads of hugs, trudging into work in the snow, and crying into my decaf tea.

See? There are always bits of sunshine, even when things are shitty. 

'It'll wash your blues away! Or make you feel so anxious you feel like you can't breathe! Yay!'


Sheryn. said...

You are so funny. Love the way you can make jokes about anxiety and panic.Great jokes too.Thanks for replying to my last comment.It really did make me feel better that you shared that you cried every morning when you were starting your job.Work is getting better.Thank fuck.Hope the prozac kicks in with some happy juice for you soon. Love and light.xx

Scarlett said...

hi there
I don't have much experience of meds and things have probably moved on since but I do remember being told that can happen, feeling worse before you feel better. I reckon give it another week and start asking questions if no change. Btw how come you didn't want to just take what you had before?

Interested to know how you get on with Prozac, apparently one of the easiest to come off and may help with my SAD so maybe I could take it 3 months a year. Sadly I've lost the will to do anything at all this winter. Might try it next winter, let us know what you think of it and good luck, I hope it works for you.

big hugs

Scarlett said...

PS here is a cute pic that I reckon is right up your street

Sandra Nimako - Boatey said...

Oh yes meds have the tendency do that! But yes it does pass, and I'm hoping it passes very soon for you! Thanks for the link to that article, it was interesting to read. I do have to be very thankful to my medication!

Vivre Sa Vie said...

Thanks so much, Sheryn - glad things are looking up for you! xx

Big hugs to you too, Scarlett, and thanks for the cockle-warming pic! I'll let you know how it goes - I can be a guinea-big for you! xx

Thanks, Sandra - really pleased the article was useful and resolve-strengthening for you, and thanks so much for the happy fuzzy wishes my way! Things are improving already, so everything looking a bit rosier :) xx

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