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| 'Oh, good lord...not my itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-yellow-polka-dot bikini...' |
A list of today's sunny anxieties.
1. Blog performance.
The awesome, amazing, hilarious, superb Jon Ronson tweeted about my blog (yes, I can now die happy), and now thousands of people are looking at it, and I'm petrified of what to write next. I am exceptionally talented at managing to turn a good thing: 'brilliant writer I have admired for years endorses my writing' into a bad thing: 'thousands of people looking at my blog and, oh God, what if I can't think of anything funny to say, oh my God no' etc.
2. Shark attacks.
I was thinking about shark attacks on the train this morning. Seriously. And wondering about how I felt about the statistics - i.e. even if it is very rare, do I still want to take the chance, are they odds I would gamble on, and would I be particularly bad at coping in that being-eaten-alive sort of situation (i.e. worse than a non-anxious person), and just generally about how awful it would be to be eaten by a shark, and how I would very, very, very much not like that to happen. (Not sure why this came up, but think it was a combination of the sun coming out, and an ad for a holiday to Sharm el Sheik (Sharm el Shark) that did it.)
3. Kidnappings.
In a similar vein, I was thinking about kidnappings in Mexico (I'm going in September), and wondering if it happened, if my kidnappers would let me get a prescription for Xanax (seriously), and if they would let me call my family, and if I would just die of fright and craziness before anyone stumped up the money for me.
4. Spiked Latte
I ordered a decaf coffee and entertained the vague, back-of-the-mind worry that the barista might have got the coffees mixed up by accident, so I said 'yes, can I have the DECAF coffee' please (with strong emphasis) and then when she brought it over, said 'great, is that my DECAF coffee? Thanks so much' (with strong emphasis). And then felt a bit of a freak.
In other news, it is a beautiful day, and I just got a little bit toasted in the sun ('oh no, that will increase my chances of skin cancer' etc etc etc ad infinitum...)
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'Goodness, I
hope he lets me pop into the pharmacy on the way to the kidnapper's
lair...'
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5 comments:
hahahaha,
I worry if there was nuculear holocaust or the like how would I get my prescriptions for Diazapam and Citalopram.
Don't worry I have decided I would break into a pharmacy.
If I was you I would make sure kidnappers know to ask for medication as part of your randsom.
Rosie - I'm so delighted to hear your mind works in the same ridiculous ways as mine. Give me a call come armageddon and we'll do a daring pharmacy raid together.
What is the protocol at work if you get nabbed by kidnappers or Somali pirates? do you have to ask a pirate for a sick note, addressed to the HR department?
Wow - good point - I like that you think of everything! Maybe whilst they drop me off at the pharmacy I can get them to stick some cut out magazine letters on a piece of paper saying 'Viv is currently indisposed in a pirate's lair. Please expect a modification of daily duties until further notice'.
Seeing as my kidnappers are the obliging sort, I'm sure they won't mind (although they'll probably be beginning to wish they hadn't kidnapped such a neurotic person...)
The decaf thing is very familiar to me.
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