It's all me, me, me...

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Vivre Sa Vie
London, United Kingdom
Well hello there. My name is Viv (well, it's not really), and, like a lot of people, I'm ever so slightly neurotic... I have panic attacks and anxiety (ranging from mild to pretty intense), on and off. I also have an amazing and quite high-profile job, so I'm choosing to remain anonymous on here. Not because I'm ashamed of the aforementioned neuroses, but because I don't want to be googled and for my colleagues to read bizarre posts about me breathing into a paper bag and popping lorazepam. I've worked for bookshops, mixed arts festivals and charities, and have met (and still meet!) a lot of famous, fetching and fantabulous people for my job. (See, anxiety doesn't need to stop you being AWESOME and doing what you want to do) Here's hoping you'll find some helpful hints and tips on here which will help you tackle the evil panic heebiejeebs... PS. I'm an Australian, but I live in the UK, and have adopted tea-drinking, pubs, Wodehouse, and a Welsh man.
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Friday 23 March 2012

You're feeling verrry sleepy (you control freak) vol II




Another day, another trip to Hypno Joe's. Elevator conquered, I find myself back in his now familiar little chamber of weirdness. Big letters spell out RELAX on the wall (totally counter-productive, stuff like that - just so you know*) and the patient's chair is super uncomfortable (way to put us at ease, Joe!).


This time we're doing a combination of something with initials (EMDR?) and something else with initials (NLP). Hmmm - WTF? Essentially, this seems to involve tapping your face and saying reassuring things. Apparently it rid Joe of his hayfever (whaaaat? Is he insane?) and sounds like a massive load of old hogwash to me, and I'm disappointed in him for being so...weird. And gullible.


But I do it, because I will do ANYTHING even on the remote possibility it works. (And because I'm paying through the bloody nose for it.) And because a girl I once knew claimed that the tapping thing totally cured her of something or other. So lots of good, robust evidence-based reasons then.


So our conversation goes a little something like this...


'Relax, Viv, start tapping your forehead with two fingers, and repeat after me - I am a confident, strong woman'


'I am a confident, strong woman' (tapping, feeling VERY stupid)


'I don't need fear in my life any more' 


'I don't need fear in my life any more' (apparently we're moving all over our face with the tapping thing, so now we're on the nose)


'There is nothing to be afraid of'


'There is nothing to be afraid of' (chin)


'I am going to say goodbye to this fear, and hello to a new life'


I am going to say goodbye to this fear, and hello to a new life' (hands now)


'I am the hunter'


'I am the...whaaat?'


'I am the hunter'


I am the hunter?!' (incredulous, and now laughing in poor Joe's serious, tapping face. Is he for real? Is this really happening?)


'I am the hunter.'


'Uh, I am the...hunter..?' (faltering, tapping, laughing)


'I am not the prey'


 'I am not the prey' (now in hysterics, but also beginning to question the life choices that have led me to this moment) 


Things carry on is this vein for for another surreal ten minutes or so until eventually our time is up. I hand over the best part of a hundred quid, feeling suspiciously prey-like...


Has Joe just shot me with a metaphorical rifle and slung me over his metaphorical shoulder like a plump, metaphorical deer?


I will let time (or maybe you guys) decide...




* Oh rel-ax? Oh, wow, thanks. That simply hadn't occurred to me. IF I COULD RELAX, I WOULDN'T BE SAT HERE THROWING MY MONEY AT SOME FRANKLY, QUITE DUBIOUS AND NOT IN ANY WAY ENDORSED BY THE MEDICAL PROFESSION THERAPY, WOULD I?! Wow. Relax? Phew. Thanks.

180 comments:

Anonymous said...

Its worth a try! I have tried everything! I have to say it sounds slightly odd. Is this trying to free you from fight or flight response and going back to your basic human insincts.
I did hypnotherapy for childbirth, it worked reasonably (note the use of word reasonably) well whilst in nice calm room. Change that to room in a hospital with me rolling around on the floor saying the hail mary (??) and the midwife telling me to practice my hypnotherapy, I won't tell you what I said to her but the virgin mary would have blushed.
I have heard of the tapping though, i guess when you start panicking you should start tapping your forheard reminding you of calmer times...hmm

Unknown said...

I have a pal who swears by the tapping thing. She tried to get me to tap and I went as far as downloading something or other that explained where/when/how but. like you, I felt foolish and hugely sceptical so didn't continue. No harm in you trying!

Vivre Sa Vie said...

I'll keep you both updated on the tapping progress - it truly does feel like the most ridiculous thing, and my rational brain refuses to accept it. But maybe it will be a miracle cure. To be continued...!

Anonymous said...

Hah. Reminds me of a time I tried a self-hypnosis tape and the deep, reassuring voice told that I felt at One with the Universal. Excuse me? The Uni-what now?

Sigh!

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